I’ve been on a search to fill a void — to gain approval, status, acceptance, community, love, God (something bigger than myself). My career as a creative entrepreneur didn’t satisfy my soul’s needs — not even in the slightest. Eventually, I took stock of my life and realized that most of the decisions I’d made came from fear or the desire to impress others, rather than from a place of genuine happiness or evolution.

The deepest source of my suffering was the belief that I was inherently not enough. I thought I needed to be fixed — by a therapist, a plastic surgeon, a healer, teacher, shaman, guru, or plant medicine. For over ten years, I immersed myself in various modalities: therapy, healing diets, trauma courses, ceremonies, yoga, fasting, meditation, the study of the Tantras, Qi Gong. I cycled through countless programs, sometimes meditating for 3–4 hours a day, filling every minute with mantras and teachings. At the time I believed the length of my practice and my dedication were measures of spiritual health. I also placed my self-worth in the courses, certificates, and titles I thought would make me legitimate. 

But over time, I’ve come to realize that it’s the moments in between the practices that tell the real story of where I’m at. It’s the quality with which I listen to and nurture myself that matters most. And the greatest mirror of all? How I am with my partner and daughter. They are my ashram and my gurus — challenging me, reflecting me, guiding me through life’s highs and lows.

My suffering has also been a profound teacher. It led me to a self-retreat where, for the first time, I truly listened, felt, and allowed myself to be moved. That moment was monumental: I was learning how to simply be with myself. This act of being has become a portal. Life, in every direction I look, keeps inviting me to experience this moment in full awareness and acceptance. The source of my joy is no longer something outside of me — it’s in the wonder of being myself and uniquely experiencing life through me.

These days, I’m most inspired by the magical technologies of our body, mind, and spirit (thank you, Marissa, and the teachers who’ve shared their gifts). We are, in truth, always connected — especially to the worlds beyond. The practices and techniques are invaluable tools to help us become more aware. But I don’t claim to be an expert in any modality. 

And yet, here I am — on this stream, this path of Light. I offer the gift of gathering, Together Alone. 

XX,

Leah